I latched onto a major story on Friday.
This was the day, remember, that Britain turned its back on Europe.
That tensions ratcheted up at the Climate Change summit in Durban.
And that FIFA boss Joseph Blatter visited Guam.
So you can imagine how Major this Story must have been to have snared my full, undivided attention.
Enough teasing: it is (cue drum-roll and sharp intake of breath) nothing less than football’s equivalent of the philosopher’s stone – the secret of how to score goals in the English Premier League.
Given the time and effort that the Fergusons and Mourinhos of this world have devoted to unscrambling this conundrum, you might expect it to be a complex formula.
In fact, the answer is remarkably simple.
It also confirms that Alan Ball (whose boots are pictured), the perpetual motion machine at the heart of Sir Alf Ramsey’s World Cup-winning England team of 1966, was even further ahead of his time than we thought.
Why? Because he was the first footballer, so far as I am aware, to promote white boots.
A precociously cynical child, I had always imagined that this was mainly to boost his bank balance (not that that stopped me buying a pair).
Now though, thanks to the lovely people at www.Footy-Boots.com, I know differently.
White boots, it turns out, are the secret to Premiership goal-scoring prowess.
Footy-boots.com have analysed 139 matches, involving 453 players, between August and December 2011 and found that white-booted players accounted for a massive 178 Premier League goals.
Five of the 10 Premier League hat-tricks so far this season have come from players sporting white boots – think Edin Džeko (pictured) (Manchester City), Robin van Persie (Arsenal) and Yakubu (Blackburn Rovers).
And there is more:
Red-booted players – Mohamed Diamé (Wigan Athletic), Youssouf Mulumbu (West Bromwich Albion) – are most likely to pick up a yellow card.
Green-booted players – Sergio Agüero (Manchester City), Matthew Etherington (Stoke City) – are, logically enough, least likely to get booked.
And of all the players sidelined with foot, ankle or leg complaints, only one of them, says Footy-Boots, was injured wearing grey boots.
All interesting stuff, but it is the data on white boots that has removed the scales from my eyes.
I suppose there might be some credulous souls who fondly imagine that Džeko and Van Persie’s (pictured below) goal-scoring feats have more to do with their qualities as players than their choice of footwear.
Arrant nonsense!
If that were so, why is it that Arsenal’s inspirational Dutchman scored only one goal in the first four weeks of the season, when he was wearing blue boots, but can’t stop scoring since making the switch?
Which makes me wonder, did Arsène Wenger cotton on to this before anyone else did?
I always had him down as a shrewd one and, by doing so, he might just have rescued Arsenal’s season.
Sadly, this is going to be my last blog for insideworldfootball.
Having seen the light, I’m heading to Cobham with a selection of white football boots, to save Andre Villas-Boas’ bacon and fulfil my own childhood fantasies.
You’ll find me on Match of the Day.
David Owen worked for 20 years for the Financial Times in the United States, Canada, France and the UK. He ended his FT career as sports editor after the 2006 World Cup and is now freelancing, including covering the 2008 Beijing Olympics and 2010 World Cup. Owen’s Twitter feed can be accessed here.